Anyone else with comprehensive/prelim/qual exam anxiety?

So I've said it.
Yes, it's all supposed to be a casual formality. Something you do in your 3rd year as a PhD student, get over with, so that you can move on to your dissertation research.
Yeah right.
Again, here's another stage of your doctoral program where you are completely on your own, with seldom any specific guidelines, and with almost no colleague to share experiences with.
In the end, it all comes down to managing your own fears, anxieties, and questioning in isolation.
While some university departments seem to have a clear rationale behind these examinations, such as forcing PhD students to get a head start on their research topic by providing a full literature review for their dissertation topic, many departments make you do something that is -- to put it mildly -- this mixture between an end of coursework test and a literature review of unrelated topics. The result: anxiety-ridden students who question why they got involved in a doctoral program in the first place.
During a web search for some supportive material about comprehensive exams, I stumbled across this article in Degree in Sight Volume 2, number 2 on the website of the GradPsych magazine called: Preparing for your comprehensive exams.
Here is an excerpt:

Like many graduate students, Meghan Duff faced her comprehensive exam—a hurdle doctoral students must jump before embarking on their dissertation projects—with trepidation. As a third-year applied psychology student at Antioch New England Graduate School in New Hampshire, Duff needed to pass a two-part exam consisting of an essay question and an oral presentation of a clinical case.

To quell her anxiety, Duff picked up some study habits that may have puzzled her pets.

"I walked around my kitchen and kept on talking about this case," she says. "No one was there, but I talked and talked and talked until I was nearly hoarse."

The essay question, which students get a week to write, worried Duff a little less.

"At Antioch, the idea is that as long as you have kept up with your class reading, you can pass the exam without much extra studying," she notes. "But you will have to review your notes and formulate your ideas."

However, no two universities have exactly identical comprehensive exams, says Dolores Albarracin, PhD, a psychology professor at the University of Florida. Still, one thing most do have in common is the nightmares they can provoke in graduate students.

For example, Albarracin's students take a seven-question exam in a computer lab, where they have eight hours to write essays with no outside resources. Other universities, such as Yale University, give students an entire semester to work on large literature review papers. And most universities, says Albarracin, allow students to retake the exam if they do not pass the first time around.

But regardless of the exam format, she notes, students who prepare rarely fail.

So I guess, this quote ends on a nice note, doesn't it?

PhD program: a masochistic exercise?

For those who attempt it, the doctoral dissertation can loom on the horizon like Everest, gleaming invitingly as a challenge but often turning into a masochistic exercise once the ascent is begun. The average student takes 8.2 years to get a Ph.D.; in education, that figure surpasses 13 years. Fifty percent of students drop out along the way, with dissertations the major stumbling block. At commencement, the typical doctoral holder is 33, an age when peers are well along in their professions, and 12 percent of graduates are saddled with more than $50,000 in debt.

Before you all get onto your high horses, here's my disclaimer: This is not me saying this. This is an excerpt from a New York Times article published in October 2007.

Interestingly, there is also this book, titled How To Get a PhD by Estelle Philips and Derek S. Pugh, that points to various ways NOT to get a PhD: basically, here is a summary of what you should do not to get a PhD.

ONE. Not wanting a PhD.

TWO. Not understanding the nature of a PhD by overestimating what is required.

THREE.Not understanding the nature of a PhD by underestimating what is required.

FOUR. Not having a supervisor who knows what a PhD requires.

FIVE. Losing contact with your supervisor.

SIX.Not having a thesis.

SEVEN. Taking a new job before finishing.

So if you're one of those suffering from PhD depression, I suggest you check out the 1-minute Log.

For laughs: You know you're a grad student when....

You know you're a graduate student when...

* you can identify universities by their internet domains.
* you are constantly looking for a thesis in novels.
* you have difficulty reading anything that doesn't have footnotes.
* you understand jokes about Foucault.
* the concept of free time scares you.
* you consider caffeine to be a major food group.
* you've ever brought books with you on vacation and actually studied.
* Saturday nights spent studying no longer seem weird.
* the professor doesn't show up to class and you discuss the readings anyway.
* you've ever travelled across two state lines specifically to go to a library.
* you appreciate the fact that you get to choose which twenty hours out of the day you have to work.
* you still feel guilty about giving students low grades (you'll get over it).
* you can read course books and cook at the same time.
* you schedule events for academic vacations so your friends can come.
* you hope it snows during spring break so you can get more studying in.
* you've ever worn out a library card.
* you find taking notes in a park relaxing.
* you find yourself citing sources in conversation.
* you've ever sent a personal letter with footnotes.
* you can analyze the significance of appliances you cannot operate.
* your office is better decorated than your apartment.
* you have ever, as a folklore project, attempted to track the progress of your own joke across the Internet.
* you are startled to meet people who neither need nor want to read.
* you have ever brought a scholarly article to a bar.
* you rate coffee shops by the availability of outlets for your laptop.
* everything reminds you of something in your discipline.
* you have ever discussed academic matters at a sporting event.
* you have ever spent more than $50 on photocopying while researching a single paper.
* there is a microfilm reader in the library that you consider "yours."
* you actually have a preference between microfilm and microfiche.
* you can tell the time of day by looking at the traffic flow at the library.
* you look forward to summers because you're more productive without the distraction of classes.
* you regard ibuprofen as a vitamin.
* you consider all papers to be works in progress.
* professors don't really care when you turn in work anymore.
* you find the bibliographies of books more interesting than the actual text.
* you have given up trying to keep your books organized and are now just trying to keep them all in the same general area.
* you have accepted guilt as an inherent feature of relaxation.
* you find yourself explaining to children that you are in "20th grade".
* you start refering to stories like "Snow White et al."
* you often wonder how long you can live on pasta without getting scurvy.
* you look forward to taking some time off to do laundry.
* you have more photocopy cards than credit cards.
* you wonder if APA style allows you to cite talking to yourself as "personal communication".
* you have a favourite flavour of instant noodle.

good stuff...

Four things you should know as a grad student

Since it's Saturday night and that I've spent the past couple of hours reading an article about a neo-Boasian, anti-Malinowskian, pseudo-Foucaultian theory-of-sorts -- DISCLAIMER: of course, it wasn't planned that way. I had actually inserted a fun movie into my DVD player and set up fluffly pillows for my couch, along with a bowl of popcorn for a nice evening...

Ok. Anyway. So, I just thought I would pass on some wisdom to colleagues who may find themselves in the same predicament.

ONE. Never take weekends for granted. I mean, who cares about weekends. You'll get work emails Friday night, Saturday at 4 a.m. and Sunday at 10 a.m. from undergrad students who want to know where they can find a copy of the Webster Dictionary... That's not counting the occasional email reply from supervising faculty-- two months behind -- emphasizing the fact that your 15-page essay lacks coherence and purpose...

TWO. Take library books home with you. Do not let them sit on your cubicle. I guarantee, you'll be needing at odd times and won't be liking the idea of making your way to a locked building at 3 a.m. through a windchill of minus 40 degrees celsius.

THREE. Breakfast is something you have in the morning -- let me take this back, I mean, when you wake up, whenever that be -- that is supposed to include fruits, protein, and carbs. You are supposed to eat this preferably at a dining table. Not at a computer desk, not while typing a paper, not while running to conference. Not before going to sleep.

FOUR. Photocopying WILL become your main activity. Not buying books --urghhh-- and not sitting quietly in a romantic student desk reading them either. Photocopying will become what makes or breaks you. I promise.

(To be continued...)

Both Christian AND Muslim?? Are you serious???

So while Net surfing (for articles on my research topic- mind you!... hum hum) ... I almost fell off my seat (which I admit is quite precarious and absolutely needs to be replaced -- actually my entire office "space" ( a euphemism of course) should be revamped once I sort out my research funding issues).
I mean, what could beat this? (see below) This is the kind of stuff that just makes your head spin 360 degrees... No seriously, take a look at this Seattle Times article: "I am both Muslim and Christian"
The beginning of the article CERTAINLY got my attention :

"Shortly after noon on Fridays, the Rev. Ann Holmes Redding ties on a black headscarf, preparing to pray with her Muslim group on First Hill.

On Sunday mornings, Redding puts on the white collar of an Episcopal priest.

She does both, she says, because she's Christian and Muslim."

At a time when warfare, conflict, and violence are more than ever associated with religious identities ( well, so not EVER, because there was the Crusades... I know, I know, but you know what I mean), you wonder who in their right mind would have the guts to say something like this out in the open.... And a church pastor? A WOMAN church pastor? Let me rephrase this, a BLACK WOMAN pastor.... Actually, the correct way to say it would be a BLACK MUSLIM WOMAN pastor... Pphew!! That was a hard one.

Seriously, IT MAKES YOU WONDER. Personally, I'm still trying to make sense of this news article.

It starts with a stir: ANXIETY

Usually, it starts with a stir.
A little poke inside my chest as I am sitting at my claustrophobic cubicle, surrounded with piles of articles and books. It turns into a small voice, a relentless one, that climbs its way to my already overloaded head. Then, I feel my breath grow faster. Soon follows my heart. This is it. My cubicle swinging, my desk swerving up and down... I know I need to catch myself before it gets out of control. Thoughts and words swirl around my head. OMG, I'll never pass these quals? Will I miss something important during fieldwork? How about this conference deadline, did I miss it? Oh, will I be able to grade undergrad exams by Friday? I can't believe I only read three books in three weeks... that means I have another 5 left to go through! IN A WEEK...
Shouldn't I get some sleep right now, if I want to make up for last week when I only slept 4 hours a night for 5 days in a row? Is there a way I could photocopy this 800-page book? Btw, I should have skipped laundry and focused on finishing typing this paper...

Inevitably, my stomach chooses this time to grumble. I mean, when was the last time I ate? 9 this morning... But it's 6 p.m.!!! OMG, and I still haven't finished this article I started reading at noon!! Why am I so slow?
Well, shouldn't I be eating something for my brain to function?

As I fumble with my belongings and try to rise up from my chair, a loud pain on the side of my forehead calls me back to my senses. The migraine I had managed to keep under control since the night before by swallowing a few ibuprofen extra-strength pills is slowly coming back to the surface.

And this is precisely the time that my cell phone chooses to ring. A loud, irresponsible tropical-techno song. I brush off the frustrated looks of my colleagues at the neighboring desks, and dash out of the library.
Outside, the cold minus 40 degree wind reminds me of how cozy and warmy my apartment is. I mean, shouldn't I be going home anyway?
Let's call it a day. I need to take care of myself: eating and resting are physiological necessities.

As I walk past the central library building, it suddenly dawns on me that I haven't photocopied a thee-hour reserve book and risk a huge fine if I don't return it in the next 10 minutes.

Of course the 10-min stop at the library turns into another three hours shifting through library shelves and grudgingly admitting to having to read another 40 pages of a condensed theoretical blabla article...

Pfff... By the time I get home, it is 8:30 p.m.
And it all started with a stir.

So... When are you finishing your PhD?

So one day, as you're laboriously making your way to the campus after barely 4 hours of sleep, you bump into an old friend in the subway:
-How are you doing?
-Waw, it's been such a long while! What are you up to?
-Oh, do you know Timmy and I just moved into our new house?
-Really, waw!!
-How about you?...
- Oh, you know, I'm still working on my PhD.
- Still? When are you finishing?
(Oh no, you didn't!!)

That's when everything turns still.
I mean, it feels like someone just pressed the PAUSE button, for God's sake. When am I finishing? What d'you mean, when am I finishing? I mean, I just want to grab the person's shoulders and shake the hell out of her!
Doesn't she know it's JUST NOT THAT SIMPLE. You don't just take courses, pass qualifying exams, write your dissertation, defend it and GRADUATE!
No, no, no.
But then you remember your good manners, and that in the real world -- off campus -- you need to smile and greet people and actually behave as if life were simple. So I smile, and respond, with the flashiest grin I can muster:
- Oh, I just got a couple more stuff to get through and I should be finishing when it all gets done.
That's when I quickly divert the topic to the weather -- thank God for the horrendous winter --, wasn't it terrible, all this snow?

Opening the Gates: conformity or conflict?

Here I come...

The most difficult part of doing something like this -- blogging -- is starting it in the first place. I mean, who wants to look and sound stupid in a public forum?

Being a PhD student means keeping one's mouth shut 100 percent of the time, filling one's head with accumulated nonsensical theories, swallowing so-called established "truths" labeled by neo-conservative institutions while trying not to choke on these philogical nasty-tasting cough syrups. Talk about conformity.

Where does conflict fit in? --scratching head ... I'm not quite sure. But that's exactly what this blog proposes to try to figure out.
I don't necessarily think that conflict is a negative thing. I mean, out of conflict, the best things in the world have happened.